fuck

Damn black berry! I just wrote a wonderfully
Cheesy blog about smiling from within and being
True to myself but then I pressed something on my bb
And it disapeared and so did my cheesy mood.

Random info about vickey; I hate the txt phrase smh and
All its variations I tried using it
But for sum reason it disturbs me. It's like
Judgment via txt talk. Hmmmmmmm

Random info about this entry; the semi colon's are
Just for u. My fav editor who says I use too many
Semi colon's
Luv ya -vickey

2 am

I felt the need to blog 1 more time b4 I fall
Asleep. My mind is full and empty, fearful and
Numb; mostly numb. The only thing I feel is this
Headache that's been nagging me all week. I'm layin
In bed listening to a documentary about the circus
As it plays on tv in my mack ground. I want
I will I do it can do it....will I become great
Like my grandma and always knew I would be.
I see the path and I'm fearful. Fearful of failure
Which is not an option. Neither is fear; it too late
For that

Ok so the application thing was a joke ha ha
I get in those moods u know; those times when
I wanna give in and fall into the masses. But that
Would take me off track totally. love is not completely
Absent from my heart, that's just a defense mechanism.
I just need to be focused on propeling my life forward.
Men always seem to complicate my life and cause me to loose
Focus. Along with the headaches and betrayal most men
Have brought me there is also a nice confort that comes with having
A love life (not to meantion stress relieve). But still I
Know whole heartedly, that confort is not worth loosing
My focus. I will not allow myself to let another man
Put the 'man mind control voodoo' on me.

love? lust!

love found ? love lust
to distinguish my (sometimes) want for "close companionship" and and my want to end my vow of celibacy is almost as difficult as it is to separate black and white paint once it's mixed. either way i don't want love in a romantic way but the mutha fucker keeps finding me. maybe this celibacy is too much of a commitment, after all it's been six months! I believed it has helped me become more clear and focused but now i feel.. it"s time to end this celibacy thing, not right away of course. I still do NOT want a committed relationship but i also don"t want to be a hora(pronounced horror)...so as of today November 15, 2010; I vickey cookie will be taking applications for boy toys.
DO NOT APPLY IF;
you are a relative by blood or marriage
i work with you
i made it clear i don"t want anything to do with you
you are married

requirements;
confidence= swag

i will keep you all posted on my progress ( if u wanna know)

God help us all

this world is crazy and that is manly due to the beings that inhabit it. at this point even if the part my heart that allows me to love a companion wasn't frozen; i would still be scared to let someone into my life. i keep seeing the ways of people around me for what they are good and bad. it's been awhile since thought good b4 bad I'm making progress;-) i know this entry is vague and difficult to figure but i make sense 90-80% of the time. i'm allowed vague days

I'm in a horrid mood today. Its not like I had a bad nite; I had a good nite
I got an awesome critique of my writing. But this horrible mood has been brewimg for a couple of days now and I can't shake it. I have some important life decisions to make and
my choices will be effecting more than just me. I wish I knew the outcome of My decisions b4 hand (but where's the fun in that?) I feel like I gave up my right to be risky when I gave birth :-(
I know sum people are risky even if they have children but everyone has different circumstances. And sum people are just Selfish. I don't want be selfish but I do have goals, taking a risk rite now isn't so bad. maybe I can do something great or at least better.....

will i go blind?

masturbation? i need another person to share the work hmmmm my minds all over the place i'll have more tomorrow.

super save a chick (from lonliness) lol

i guess when a man finds a woman that has cut herself off from love....he suddenly has the need to prove her wrong. aww how sweet :-p UNTIL he proves his point and then he'll be back to being the man that he is. all men are pretty much the same brand but different flavors you can paint a zebra black but after the rain you see him for the striped beast he is. :-)

so much hope

around me I see a lot of hope for happiness in a relationship. I guess this hope keeps them going. even though this hope and focus is a waste of time everyone needs something to hold on to. my goals and the hard work I know it takes to achieve them are what I hold on to and are the only things that can give me a headache and keep me up at night/ at least I don't have worry about my goals cheating on me.

why down with love?

I've tired to give love a chance but the disappointment was so overwhelming it exploded into a blog. i have been through a lot and my experiences have led me to believe that monogamy causes misery. name ten monogamous couples you know that are happy, ok if ten is too hard how bout five or three........I'll wait.
people i want the fairytale love to be true as much as the next person but we are fools to believe it. we were never told that eventually Cinderella and the prince would get tired of each other, we were left with "and they lived happily ever after" bullshit bullshit bullshit. i grew up watching and reading bullshit lies and deceit; neither life nor love is a fairytale.what happened after snow white and the prince finally got to know each other? were they compatible? no one knows all we know is "they lived happily ever after" there are a million other examples. So I say fuck the fairy tales lets make life and love our own. lets discover who we are fuck the media and their impressionable ways. DOWN WITH LOVE! and then be happy.......or at least headache free.